don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
