party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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