you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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