You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You don't make any sense
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