honey bunches of taint.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
