how can u be prego again
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
