I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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