Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I didn't shave. On purpose
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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