In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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