New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize