I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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