Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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