oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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