i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Pooping to opera.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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