wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
