So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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