I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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