Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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