How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
