do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
