i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
