feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
