I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
