I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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