Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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