I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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