Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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