is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
