Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
...so i touched it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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