the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
