those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
