I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
