five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
