You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
