He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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