I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
