Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize