All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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