i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
