every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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