I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
