My first STD was from a foam party
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
