stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
