carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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