Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
