Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
my poor anus
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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