The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
