I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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