Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
