im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
