Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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