Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
