I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
