He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize