I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
