So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
