RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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