Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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