K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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