Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
