I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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