we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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