At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
