I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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