why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
