this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
