next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
