You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize