do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
