Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dignity is for republicans.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
