Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
