Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
