I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
