She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
