He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
