Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
