everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
