as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize